woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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