they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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