just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
