If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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