its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
