His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
