He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
