this beer tastes like vomit already
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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