I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
