I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Pappa wants mamma naked
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
