there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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