I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
