Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
