I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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