She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
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