Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
