I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
