ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
