Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
