Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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