My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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