This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
