Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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