Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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