I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
