How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
