As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
In other news, I just burned my penis
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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