i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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