Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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