SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
