yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You're like the curious george of whores
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The air was thick with penises
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
