omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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