I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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