Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
