Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
