She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My vagina is very pro this idea
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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