He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
