i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
