I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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