im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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