Swine flu. Run for my life!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
