don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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