WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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