I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
