Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
