literally had 100 drinks last night.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
God I need to hump something, right now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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