Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
