i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
