There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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