woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
